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2 Gay Bi or Straight at 20?

Q: I've read most of all the material on your site and I still find myself confused with my situation. Basically I don't know whether I'm straight, bi, or gay. Finding out I was gay or bi would not bother me, I just feel confused that I can't figure it out for myself. To start out with I'm 20 years old, and still a happy little virgin, sort of. Firstly, I've preformed cunnilingus with a couple of girls in the past but have refused intercourse with them on several occasions. It just never seemed to interest me, and when they tried to bring it up I always got so stressed. Secondly, when I fantasize when I masturbate, I always envision myself to be a female receiving head, or simply masturbating. I've never used images or video during masturbation simply because I just close my eyes and picture myself as this girl. And thirdly, I find that I'm highly attracted to one of my female friends and two of my male friends. But I don't want sex with any of them. I'm pretty sure I'm much more inclined towards my lady friend but I still get the desire to kiss my male friends. I've discussed this with all three at length and they are fully supportive of me, but I'd like an outside opinion. Is this normal? Should I be concerned? Why can't I figure it out for myself?

A: Hi there, Well, why should you be able to figure it out? It sounds very confusing to me. In essence, the thing to do might be to work on accepting the situation, and then to enjoy whatever form of sex comes along. This experience will give you greater insight into what is happening for you, and it will almost certainly change your feelings as well (simply because any kind of experience has an impact on one's psyche, and I think this is especially true of sexual behavior). I think you are probably heterosexual with gay feelings, and I suspect they may fade as time goes by and you get more relaxed with women. But it doesn't sound like a simple situation, so rather than agonizing over it, maybe you could try and accept it. And, if any of your three friends are willing, experiment gently with them to see what it all feels like when you do it. (Especially, intercourse with your female friend. I think you would probably gain a lot of insight from this experience. If you can ask her without jeopardizing your friendship, why not do it? She can always say No!). Sex with anyone can be enjoyable, provided there is no intention to hurt.

Maybe the fact that you fantasize about being a woman yet you like women enough to try cunnilingus suggest that you are simply a bit confused about your gender identity. You may have over-identified with females in your past - eg were you brought up with a good male role model, or surrounded by dominant women? You know, that kind of thing has a major impact on us in later life and in forming our sexual identity.

3 Masturbation problems - my glans is too sensitive

Q: First off, thank you so very much for this wonderful service! I've got an interesting and unique problem and I am hoping that you can help me. I am only able to orgasm in one way during masturbation. OK. That's not unique. But the reason why IS! Let me give you a little background. I was circumcised at birth. However, I was cut extremely loose, and I've always had enough foreskin remnant to cover 90% of my glans. I'm 39 years old now, and I've kept the skin back down the shaft all those years because of social pressure not to look "different". Recently, I decided to pull the hood down over my glans and start non-surgical foreskin restoration to get back all my lost glans sensitivity. Indeed, after 4 months with the hood down, my glans is at least 4 - 5 times more sensitive now. But now my glans is SO sensitive to touch and friction that I am ONLY able to orgasm using my foreskin for masturbation. If I use a lube and stroke my glans directly, the sensations and pleasure are so INTENSE that at first, I get extremely hard, then almost immediately thereafter, I start losing my erection. Within 30 seconds, I'm completely flaccid.

I've tried varying the amount of lube with no success. I've tried varying pressure with no success. Before putting the hood down, I could masturbate and orgasm using my foreskin and by direct glans stimulation (with and without lube), all without erection or orgasm problems. Clearly, my body does not know how to react to all this new found sensitivity. I'm not sexually active right now, but I worry that when I am active again, intercourse and oral sex will be a real problem! Is there any way to "re-train" my body to respond properly and enjoy all this new sensitivity? My biggest problem is my loss of erection. I can't do much with a limp noodle!

A: Not a great situation! But also not uncommon. Many men have an incredibly sensitive glans which causes discomfort in the cold, or after sex, and it can even occur after a man is circumcised in adulthood to cure phimosis (which means you have a tight foreskin that will not retract). After being protected for most of his life the sudden exposure of the glans after circumcision may reveal an extremely sensitive surface which the man cannot even touch, and the friction of sex and masturbation may be painful. I don't know of an easy answer. The common suggestion is that men gradually expose the glans for slightly longer each day to desensitize it by rubbing on underwear, and I am sure that if you can bear the temporary discomfort, this may well produce the rougher skin that is characteristic of men with a circumcision from birth. This rough skin seems to protect the glans somewhat and may make it less sensitive. However, you seem to have an unusually over-sensitive glans, so this approach may require persistence! To see if any other guys have found a solution, I checked on Google. I found plenty of men with the problem - but no real solutions. You might like to look into the Manhood, a garment designed to cover the exposed glans: this helps a lot. You can find it here.

4 Couldn't get erect when having sex!

Q: I am 18 years old and I don't know if I have a problem or not. I was with a girl this last week, and I could get erect with her when she was rubbing my legs...but when it came to sex I couldn't. I masturbate a lot, could that maybe be why? Is it harder to get erect if I do that?

One of the things is I barely even knew the girl. I had no problem with getting erect before this, but now I am always thinking about it and it seems harder now to get erect. I tried to have sex with her but it just didn't work....we then tried oral to get started, but that didn't work either....I was about to come, but still wasn't really hard. Also the lights were off, so I didn't really see much. Before this I could easily get erect just thinking about sex, but it seems harder now. Any help with this would be GREATLY appreciated.

A: You are trying to have sex before you are ready! Your body may be telling you one thing but your head is saying "Hold on, I'm not ready!" And what's more you tried it with someone you don't know very well (if at all). You need to find someone you can build up love and trust with, someone who is a girlfriend, not a casual fuck, for your first time. That way you can laugh about whatever happens, not take it so seriously, and even (maybe) enjoy it! So don't worry - you'll be fine when the right time comes. Until then, relax, and concentrate on cultivating girls as friends, not sex objects. (Even if they want to have sex, you don't have to say yes until you are ready, you know!) More advice on first time sex: The Penis.com, sexual techniques page!

5 Her previous lover did better than me!

Q: I am 20 yrs old and have never had a strong sex drive. I have recently started a relationship with another 19 yr old, the sex is good, but she complains that her ex was able to keep going after he had orgasmed. I find it impossible to do this, as I lose my erection. Even masturbating on my own I have tried but I still lose it. Is there any way around this problem, or was she just lucky before?

A: Yes, she was just lucky! A few guys can do this but most cannot. The rest of us just have to learn how to keep going without ejaculating! That is not so hard to do - see, for example, the ways to learn it described on The Penis.com By the way, I hope the way she put this was sensitive and tactful. Telling your present lover about the ways in which your past one was better is not such a loving thing to do, no matter how frustrated you are.

7 Erect penis flops around

Q: I just recently found your site, and I'm pleased to say it's been very informative! However, I'm experiencing a concern which I haven't quite been able to get an answer to from the list of other answered questions. My problem is this: During erection, my penis seems to get hard, as it should, down its length, and in the glans; however, it is very weak at the base. Therefore, while standing with an erection, it "droops" from the base, and it is generally very loose feeling - as if there is nothing at the base to support it, and the structure there has been damaged. It has been this weak for a few years. Before then, I remember it having a more stable base, but still not as strong as it should be. Over the course of my teens, there are times that I have been rough with it during masturbation/intercourse/etc (lots of bending/stretching) I don't feel any pain from this. I'm 18 years old, and have a 6.5 inch penis of average girth. I'm wondering if this condition can heal itself if given the chance, i.e. no stressful behavior to the penis for a period of time? If not, what else can be done?

A: I have come across this problem a few times, though usually in men who have injured their penis in rough sex or sexual play. They often complain that the "droopy" weak base feeling goes along with a change in their erections (which become weaker or the penis head - the glans - doesn't expand as it used to), though I guess you are not experiencing this since you don't mention it. However it still sounds very like the same problem, which I believe is caused by damage to the ligaments that run between the penis and the body. (These are the ligaments cut during penile enlargement surgery, a procedure which causes the penis to appear longer, but prevents it standing up when erect.) In my limited, non-medical experience of this, the weakness generally heals itself over time, though again from your account this may not be true for you. I think my best advice would be to get it checked out by a urologist, but if there is no obvious cause and your erections are hard, you can still enjoy sex and masturbation - but treat your penis with respect so as to avoid making things worse!

8 Too much masturbation has changed the way my penis looks!

Q: I have been masturbating more than usual this past year, almost once everyday since I have been out of work. I have slowed down now and may do it once or twice a week, but I'm still trying to reduce the number of times I do this. I'm a bit worried about some redness or bruising around the bit of skin that attaches the foreskin to the head of penis. I'll presume that this has appeared because of increased masturbation. When my penis is erect the redness almost disappears but when the erection goes down the redness reappears, it's more like a dark red but is only concentrated around the underside of the penis. It's not painful, it just doesn't look as healthy as it used to be. Is there any other way I can reduce this redness so it will look healthier? It's been like this now for a few months and was hoping it would mend quicker. I never have any problems with my penis or foreskin and I can keep sustained erections without any pain. I just don't want to make this redness get any worse.

A: I doubt that the change of color has anything to do with your masturbation. The skin of the penis is very susceptible to color changes for all kinds of reasons - temperature, hormone levels, age. As long as you have no pain or any other symptoms, I think you can relax and stop worrying! As always, however, if your penis changes in a way that worries you, you should go along and get a check up with your doctor.

12 Will women hate my uncircumcised penis?

Q: I found your site very interesting and I was hoping I could ask you a few questions. I am nearing an age where sex may become a part of my life. You see I am uncircumcised and was wondering if women care about that? Will they be grossed out? Since the glans tends to be more sensitive in uncircumcised men (including me) will fellatio be a problem? I am sorry if I sound vulgar but you are one of the few people I think I can ask.

A: It's good that you are asking the questions you need to know about as you learn about what it means to be a man, to be a sexual being, to enjoy your body as it was designed - for sex, for creation, for pleasure, for YOU (and your partner) to enjoy.

Most women come from places where the foreskin is a normal part of the penis. That's what they are used to. It's only in the US where it has been cut off as a matter of course, and even in the US circumcision is now losing popularity rapidly. On the anatomy page of this website there is a list of links, including one to the results of a survey that asked women if they preferred sex with a cut cock or an uncut one. Experienced women seemed to actually prefer making love to a man with an uncircumcised penis! By contrast, I have heard women say that a circumcised cock looks neat and that they don't like a long dangly foreskin, but I can also tell you that a woman doesn't care a toss what your dick looks like if she loves you!

So, in short, I really would not worry about it. I think a woman will just be glad she is with you and will love your cock - just as in fact you would accept whatever her vulva looked like if you loved her. (And women's vulvae do vary as much as men's cocks.) And, lastly, you don't sound vulgar - you sound like a man, getting what he wants and needs: information about life.

13 My pre-cum is just gross!

Q: Hi! I am a 19 year old college student, and I have a question. I have done some reading up on "pre-cum" and I fully understand what it is and why it occurs, but what I really want to know no one seems to deal with. I want to know if it is possible to stop it or at least slow it down a bit. I have noticed that when I'm with my girlfriend, I pre-cum. I know that this occurs in almost all men, but my concern is not that it is occurring, but the rate at which it is occurring. I have noticed that I pre-cum a significant amount, more than I would like to. It's usually enough so that I can press my pants to my leg, and feel a great deal of the inside of my pants being wet, maybe about 1/4 of the way down my thigh. Also, my girlfriend and I are both virgins and we decided that neither of us is ready to have sex yet, or even really do anything of a sexual nature, well, at least stimulating the genitalia. We hold true to this, and really only kiss, and yet this still this happens to me! Sometimes, I can feel it happening when I'm just holding her really close to me.

I'm already insecure with a lot of things in my life, and this is really embarrassing for me. I don't know if she has noticed it yet, because I try to hide it as much as possible. The spots on my pants really aren't too bad at times, but sometimes they can get bad. I have found myself only wearing dark, thick pants when I see her, to hide this all as much as possible. I love kissing my girlfriend, and being intimate with her, but unfortunately I have not been able to enjoy it as much as I would like to because of this problem. Is there anything I can do to stop this pre-cum from happening, or at least reduce the amount that occurs? A few drops wouldn't bother me, but dear God, it's like I have a faucet down there! Thank you very much for your help!

A: Well done for being so principled....but there is another side to this. Your precum response to sexual stimulation (even kissing) is very natural, and normal. In seeking to stop it, or deny it, you are actually seeking to deny the full glory and wonder of your God given sexuality. This does not mean that you have to make love just to celebrate your sexuality, but it does mean that there is no reason to be shy or ashamed of a natural & wonderful part of your body's activity. As for your girlfriend's response - well, I wonder if communication between the two of you is as good as it should be? There is no reason for embarrassment or difficulty between two people who love each other. And how do you know she would be embarrassed by it? She might be flattered that she turns you on so much - and this could be an amazing insight for her into her own sexuality and sexual being. I think you are not doing either of you any favors by seeking to cover it all up - I would be much more open, joke about it, and reassure her that she is sexy and loved as you do it. You might just be surprised by her response - and your own!

16 Numb penis through bike riding

Q: I have a problem that wasn't addressed on your site... or anywhere ELSE on the internet either. It is really hard to find good help online, so I'm hoping you can help me out. Just recently I've had less sensitivity in the head of my penis. It gets to the point where it is almost numb. It all started a month or so ago when I went for a bike ride. When I got back, my penis felt funny in my underwear, and I realized the head of my penis was totally numb. I figured it would go away. And after a few days, it did. My penis went back to feeling normal again. However, recently, this problem has returned. I'm still able to masturbate, though it feels strange, since I have almost no feeling in my penis head. I'm circumcised. Any help or advice you can give me on this would be greatly appreciated.

A: Cycling is a recognized hazard for men, as it cuts off the flow of blood to the penis and testicles. Read about it here: Bicycling Risks

17 Penis erection problems when having sex at 18

Q: I'm 18 and I've tried having sex 5 times and my penis won't stay hard. Is there something I can do to make it stay erect?

A: Wait until you are ready to have sex. You sound like you are forcing yourself before you are ready. Or maybe you are trying to do it with someone you don't actually want to have sex with? Wait for the right person and the right time. Sex is much more than a mechanical act - it is (or can be) an emotional experience as well. If you are not ready or frightened, or trying to do it for the wrong reasons - peer pressure, a girl you don't like invites you to do it, you feel you're old enough and you want to know what it's like - or if circumstances are difficult - you might be discovered, your parents are downstairs, you are in the back seat of a car, you're frightened of getting her pregnant, whatever - the result will be that your body won't perform. Things flow naturally when we are with the right partner, in the right place, at the right time. Even difficulties seem less challenging when you love your sexual partner!

18 Foreskin problems - it's only just opened up and my cock is too sensitive

Q: Hello, I'm 19 years old and I have never had any kind of sexual contact until now. I am uncircumcised and just until recently I was never able retract the foreskin back all the way around the head. Now that I have been able to, I find the head of my penis is very sensitive and I can hardly touch it without it hurting me. Anyway, I think my girlfriend and I are about ready to move on. I don't think it will be long until she oral pleasures me and I was wondering if I am going to feel pain during this? And will I ever be insensitive enough to enjoy this? This is embarrassing and angers me. Is there anything I can do to help this problem? How can I last longer during sexual intercourse if my penis is so sensitive?

A: This is such a common problem, especially among men who have had a tight foreskin and whose glans has been covered for most of their lives. Having said that, some men have a very sensitive glans anyway, regardless of their foreskin situation - this may show up especially after sex, when even the slightest contact with the glans is too painful to bear. For men in your situation, a little exposure of the glans, so that it gets more friction than it has had before, for example from rubbing on your underwear, may help. This is because it will produce a thicker layer of skin on the glans. Start by having your foreskin rolled back inside your underpants for a few minutes a day and work up to a few hours. This will be uncomfortable to start with, but it is the best way of achieving a more reasonable level of sensitivity. If your foreskin won't stay back on its own, perhaps another approach is to handle your glans yourself during masturbation, without lube. The friction may have the same desensitizing effect as rubbing on underwear. However, I should say that some guys take a very different approach - they protect their glans all the time: by keeping their foreskin rolled forward normally, by using a lubed (on the inside) condom during sex, and by never touching it during masturbation. Oral sex is generally OK if done carefully. There is no easy solution, and I do sympathize.

19 Smelly penis problems

Q: I am so embarrassed about the smell of my genitals - surely no woman will want to have sex with me?

A: All men have a genital scent, and unless it is offensive, I think you can stop worrying about it. These scents arise from natural hormones and secretions of the genitals, and they are designed to be sexually attractive to our partners. So you may well find when you have sex with a woman, that the equivalent female smell is a real turn on for you. That will help you realize that a female partner will think of your scent as attractive and arousing. The other possibility of course, is that you do smell unpleasant because you aren't washing enough. Well, that's easily remedied.

20 Sex / erection / masturbation problems - is my penis too big?

Q: I need your help - I went on to the Channel 4 sex page and they passed me on to you. I am 21 years old and have recently become fairly sexually active - but the problem is with my penis - 1 My erections are not hard enough to penetrate my girlfriend

2 I have a fairly large penis which can reach up to 9 inches when hard - but it won't stand up properly, in fact it won't even go half way, is this because of the size ?

3 I have never had a wet dream so far in my life.

4 I have no problem with masturbation, but I'm really worried I won't be able to have sex in my life with this problem. I know it's not impotence, but I'm only 16 - I'm sure you can understand how worried I am.

A: If you get erect when you are masturbating, then you are not impotent, so the problem is either that you are not having sex with the right girl or that you are trying to have sex before you are ready! You can't just turn sex on like a tap - and with a big penis (it IS big at 9 inches) you will have added fear - and your girlfriend certainly will. You may need to back off till you are a bit older and more confident. You might also find something useful here sexual techniques.

23 Foreskin problems - my penis is so painful

Q: I'm 18 from England and uncircumcised. Here is a snippet from your site: "Question: On the underside of my penis, there is a small ridge. At the bottom, it is in two parts, and joins together about an inch up. Then it goes right up to the end, and finishes in a little point, just under the glans. It is soft, and appears to be just skin. It shows up much more when my penis is erect. I used to think this was normal, until I read a gay pornographic magazine, and realized that none of the men in the magazine had this feature. Nor have I seen any other pictures of a penis which had this feature. This ridge doesn't hurt or feel of anything and my penis works as normal, but I'm curious to know what it is. I'd be grateful for any advice. Answer: This is completely normal, and is simply a ridge of skin where the tube of skin that makes up the penis joins together when it is being formed in the baby boy. It is (despite the question above) a feature of all penises." I also have this!! But when I try to pull my foreskin back it makes the end of my penis so painful. It seems like my foreskin is connected to my penis you see. When I pull it back it pulls on the end of my penis and it becomes sore. I don't masturbate because of this and I've never had sex. I've never pulled my foreskin back past my 'bell end'. Perhaps it's sore for everyone when first starting? I don't know. Can you please give me some advice as I have not told anyone about this.

Q: I think your problem is unconnected with the snippet you sent me. I think you have either a tight foreskin which is too tight to retract back over the glans (bell end) - this is phimosis, and you can read about it on my site - or a short frenulum (the bit of skin which joins the foreskin and the shaft). In either case a simple bit of surgery will cure the problem..... what you need to do is ask your GP what he thinks, then seek a referral to a urologist (a dick doctor). This will get you sorted fast, and you'll be able to wank away to your heart's content. I know how difficult these things are....but they are also easily cured, and then you can have the full pleasure of your body and all that it can offer...so get yourself off to the docs as soon as you can. You can also search for Frenulum Breve on the Internet - this may produce some valuable information.

24 What to do with the foreskin during sex?

Q: I have a girlfriend and we are very happy together. Can I ask you a really stupid question....I have a foreskin which won't go back, but I am going to have an operation to loosen it. Meanwhile, I want to know what to do when I have sex. So, do I retract the foreskin all the way during sex and when wearing a condom? I don't watch porn movies and I don't really have a great knowledge of sex in these fine details. I know it's a really basic question. Can you try and explain your answer because I'm really not up to much knowledge in this area! Thanks for all your help!

A: That isn't a stupid question...how would you know the answer? You aren't going to ask your Dad, I guess! When I use a condom, I pull my foreskin right back and expose my penis head before I put the condom on. This allows maximum stimulation to the coronal ridge and the sensitive tissues of the foreskin. This is a good way of using a traditional tight condom. There are now condoms on the market with bigger head room, actually they're so loose around the glans that the penis can move more naturally. I haven't tried these, but I would guess that retracting the foreskin would not be necessary, as it would have the freedom to move back and forth inside the condom. During sex without a condom, a guy who has a loose foreskin, i.e. one which moves freely back and forth, will find his penis moves freely inside the sheath of skin as he thrusts back and forth in the vagina. So there is no need to retract a normal foreskin before penetration without a condom. Without knowing more about your exact problem, I would say it certainly sounds like you have a classic phimosis which makes sex uncomfortable. Until you get it sorted, why not enjoy massage, oral sex, and mutual masturbation with your girlfriend? If you read the sexual techniques page of my site, and the first time sex advice, you will find a few ways of pleasing her without penetration. The more orgasms you give her through oral sex, the more she'll love you - for most women, it's the fastest route to orgasm.

25 Erection / Masturbation problems - I've ruined my penis through masturbation

Q: Hi, I'm a 22yr old white male who is recently having problems with his penis and it's totally freaking me out. I'm a virgin, I've never been with a girl sexually, no girl has even SEEN my penis in person, and so my problem is really starting to tear at me, and it doesn't feel good. About 8 months ago or so, I discovered a web cam community where lots of people go to chat with each other, it was fun at first, kind of addictive. Then I found the sexual side of it. Girls from all over, all ages and races married and single were constantly talking me into masturbating with them on camera and hey it sounded like a lot of fun, how could it hurt, right? Well I quickly discovered how! I eventually found myself on this thing all day every day, masturbating A LOT: probably 8 times within a 24hr period I would say, but not always masturbating to the point of ejaculation, some girls just wanted to see it erect. So a lot of days I just got hard again and again but maybe only ejaculated like 2 or 3 times. I eventually stopped getting an erection as easily and I would sometimes orgasm and ejaculate while fully flaccid. This scared me a bit, but I didn't think it was any huge deal. Worse followed! I got to a point where I couldn't last very long while masturbating, like, I would ejaculate 10 seconds or so into it. Maybe not even that long. Eventually I also stopped getting as rigid an erection. Originally when I would get an erection, it would stand straight up and curve slightly upward. Now I can't even get a full erection, I haven't had a real hard-on for two months going on three.

It's maybe 75% of what it used to be, and it is somewhat soft, and points out straight away from my body, or at a slight straight upward angle away from my body but I can move it in any direction manually, whereas when it stood straight up, it wasn't very easy to manually move it up and down. Also my penis now BENDS TO THE LEFT where before it just leaned at the base a bit but straightened out no problem, no pain. Now, when I get an erection, at one place on the left side of the shaft it just bends. I can straighten it but it goes back. I've felt my flaccid penis while urinating, and my entire penis muscle on the left side, going down as far as I can feel, is kind of firm all the way down with blood, whereas the right side is soft. When I get an erection, the more of an erection I get, the more it straightens on its own, but like I said I now only get 75% of what I used to! I can definitely see a sort of inward curve where the muscle inside is doing something funky, doesn't want to fully engorge or something.

I used to achieve an erection that was maybe 7.5 inches max. And now, I get maybe 6/6.5 and it bends to the left and it's soft. The thickness seems to have stayed the same. All in all therefore, I still have the sensitivity problem, I can't masturbate and last long, I now have a 6 inch penis whereas I used to have 7.5, and it curves to the left and as soon as I touch it it freaking well spurts. I found your site and saw all about Peyronie's disease, and now I'm scared to death that that's what it is, because I have all the symptoms. And it's really bothering me almost to the point of tears, because I used to be content with my penis even though I had never had sex, and now here I am with a possible permanent penis deformity before I ever got to use it! And it was perfect before!

Q: You may have Peyronie's disease or not - it is impossible to say from an email. You will have to get a doctor to look at it. I think you may also have strained the ligaments that attach the penis to the body - they will heal but it is a slow process. As to the loss of length, you may find that this is because you have put on weight so your penis appears shorter (fat gathers around the base). If this is not the answer then you have to assume that you have got a smaller erection because the blood flow is less into the penis. This kind of change is often the result of injury to the internal cavities of the penis through vigorous sex, or in your case too much masturbation. See the next reply as well! And in your case, maybe there is a psychological component too - you are just bored with wanking, so your penis isn't working well? Who knows? The best things is to get some help with relaxation and maybe some counselling - you do seem to be pinning a lot of hopes and fears on your cock!

27 Erection / sex problems- my penis won't stay hard

Q: These problems aren't that major, and if you're too busy then it's OK, I'll understand. My girlfriend and I have just started having sex. We've been together for 7 months and are really close. I sometimes have problems with my erection. I can usually get hard during foreplay, but I tend to lose it whenever I reach for the condom packet, and by the time I've rolled on top I have to try and secretly masturbate a little to get hard again without her noticing. I've even lost my hard-on while inside her. I don't think she's noticed, but I'm sure she will soon. Also, I can't seem to make her orgasm. We will have intercourse for around 30 minutes before I come, and no matter how much I try she just won't come. Could she just be nervous or am I doing something wrong?

A: Well, I am glad you have found a girl you feel really close to, and glad also that she is willing to be intimate with you - this says a lot about your quality as a man...she must trust and respect you: women do not usually give their most valuable female asset - their body - lightly. And indeed, your care comes across, in that you want to make her happy, and get the most joy out of sex, which also fits the impression of you that your letter gives me.

The issues you raise aren't in my view minor, for this reason - sex is not a minor thing. Between 2 people it is the most fundamental expression of connection, love, trust (and sometimes other less positive emotions). But it is never insignificant! And as such, we all want it to work as well as possible. I think there is a lot of stuff on my website which might help you. You can read about sexual techniques, and ideas for better sex, and turning your girl on, here You can read how problems about loss of erection and so on are dealt with on this page: The Penis.com

I really hope you read it all because it is really good stuff (even if I do say so myself!). BUT having said all of that I just have a niggling doubt.....I wonder if you are maybe (just maybe) moving too fast in your body for your head to keep up with. By which I mean, are you coping well with the pressure of intercourse? Even if she is willing, you may be under pressure if you are both inexperienced and she doesn't have much idea about sex. You know what I mean? It is a lot easier for her to be passive and allow you to lead the experience than vice versa, because, obviously, the man often leads and is the more active partner in sex - he penetrates, she receives, and so on.

Now, as you are a young man with limited experience of sex, it does not surprise me that you say you sometimes lose your erection - this is a common sign of anxiety or fear. And it may not always be an obvious "fear" - it could be a fear of your girl not being satisfied (i.e. not having an orgasm), of you not performing to the standards of manhood you have in your head, or getting her pregnant, or any number of other things. Even, perhaps, that you don't really want to be having sex with her? (Just a thought. It might be so.) The thing that is clear is that your erection is telling you that something is bothering you. Now, how to deal with it? Well, I would say, first of all decide if you want to carry on having intercourse with her.

There are alternatives which would take the pressure off you - massage (very sexy and sensuous! - you'd like it, I'm sure - she certainly would! You might even try signing up together for massage classes), kissing and cuddling for long periods, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and so on. I think that if you didn't feel under pressure to perform, you would be a lot happier. Especially if you are taking the responsibility for her not having an orgasm. That implies to me that she is not letting go, so you may both have a bit of fear around sex which you need to talk about. (A man cannot give a woman an orgasm - at least, he cannot if she is unable to "let go" and have one!)

I wonder how much you have talked to her about your feelings and asked her about hers? Men often find that one of the greatest aspects of a relationship is that they can get emotional support and care from their womenfolk - and women feel very deeply valued and trusted when a man lets them know how he is feeling. I think that there may be a new level of communication for you in this relationship which will help things enormously. For example, are you both just assuming things about having sex? Are you both just assuming it is what the other wants but not really finding out what you both want from each other? Do you get my point? Good sex comes after good communication ! Let me give you an example. All men go soft sometimes during lovemaking. It is knowing that this is unimportant that matters. I see you say that you secretly masturbate a bit to get hard if you go soft - I wouldn't do this: I would actually make a joke of it, like "Oh bugger, I've gone all soft, what with trying to do too many things at once - get the condom on, make sure you're happy, not roll on you and squash you - let's do something else for a few minutes till it gets hard again", and then perhaps start kissing her tenderly and sensuously, or ask HER to kiss ME all over, or something, (anything nice, really). The point is that in this way the tension and stress of the moment is lost, and both of you (but you especially) can relax again.

And if you don't get hard at all - so what! You will have sex thousands of times in your life. One night without an erection doesn't REALLY matter in the grand scheme of things! If this happened to me, I would say something like: "Oh, damn, my dick's not up for it tonight. But I have an idea about what I can do for you...." and then gently stroke her body all over, which will work her level of arousal upwards until she is ready for you to masturbate her to orgasm, by gently stimulating her clitoris, or until she wants to do it herself. (This is yet another way in which good communication is needed - you can't bring her off without knowing how to do it, so you need to ask her what she likes to have done to her.) If you don't know what a clitoris is, see below.....I think one problem is that you are focusing too much on yourself and your performance. You need to flow with the experience more. Please have a read of my website and see if anything clicks into place for you.

Lastly her orgasm, or lack of it. Does she orgasm during masturbation on her own? If so, then she is obviously uneasy about sex. If she has never had an orgasm (she would know if she had - so if she says she doesn't know, she hasn't had one!) then you must take things gently, a step at a time. One of the preconditions for a woman to come is that she trusts and is comfortable with her man and with sex....perhaps she is a bit young and inexperienced? If so, you need to ensure she is comfortable with you, perhaps just cuddling her, stroking her whole body, not just her breasts, clitoris and vulva, and stimulating her by hand would be a good way to help her feel more aroused? She will have to be aroused before she gets to orgasm, and frankly, 30 minutes of vaginal thrusting is not likely to do the job, especially since this will not be stimulating her clitoris. (Do you know that very few women come just through vaginal intercourse? Women like and need their clitoris to be played with - gently - it is extremely sensitive!)

You know what a clitoris is, I hope, and how it is essential for a woman to get sexual satisfaction? If not, then for goodness' sake ask her to show you where her clitoris is and what to do with it - that would be a lot more fun for both of you than 30 minutes of vaginal thrusting with no orgasm! If she is shy, she will need to be sure she can trust you before she will open up and be this intimate with you, so gentle words of reassurance, about how much you care for her, would be good here. And if SHE doesn't know where her clitoris is, then you have another problem altogether! She also needs to be turned on, which requires affection, tenderness and love on your part, not just vaginal thrusting. But don't feel down at the challenge of it all - sex is a life long experience, and you are only on the first part of the journey. You are also doing the right thing - finding out how to make it great!!! And I think, if you can overcome the challenges of shyness and lack of knowledge, you have a chance here of really good sex for both of you -so why not make that your objective? To learn how to be the best lover you can be?

Good luck, and enjoy your masculinity, and respect yourself, and her. And don't do anything you don't want to do!

28 Foreskin problems - it won't go back

Q: I noticed that all the pictures of men with erections on your website have their foreskin pulled back. Is it normal for this not to be the case? My foreskin doesn't go back when I'm hard, and I can't pull it back when I'm hard either because of the pain. Pulling my foreskin back and then getting an erection is too uncomfortable. Is this normal? Or am I doing something wrong? I hope you can help me.

A: You can read about the condition you have (Phimosis) on the problem page of my site. It isn't a disaster, but you would enjoy sex more if your foreskin moved freely over the glans of your penis. You can perhaps try the gentle stretching method to open it up: you'll find this described in one of the links. If you can't gently stretch it open yourself, you might want to consider one of the quick and simple surgical techniques (not necessarily circumcision) that a urologist can do for you to make things better.

30 Too much precum!

Q: Hello, I'm a 22 year old male who masturbates about 4 to 5 times a week, and I noticed the last few years my penis will drip come when not even hard and when I do get hard, I will sometimes drip even more, which makes my penis sometimes stick to my boxers. I have even had a woman ask me if it should just drip like that and I wasn't sure what to say! Anyway, I think this is a major problem and I'm not sure what kind of specialist to see. It's really embarrassing, even to think about seeing a doctor.

A: If this is precum that drips when you get sexually aroused, it is quite normal - and by aroused I don't mean in a sexual situation, just walking around seeing attractive women can be enough to get the flow going. Stop worrying - it's normal - and if it is a big problem, wear briefs!

31 Retractile penis is too small!

Q: I have a really small penis, my penis goes all the way into my body when I'm not hard and about 4 1/2 inches when I'm hard. I have found that when having sex, it's hard to keep my penis inside of the woman, even more when she gets on top, it keeps coming out and gets really frustrating for us both. I have also heard some parts of the woman you need to get deep into her vagina for the best sensation, like reaching her g-spot, is this true? What positions are good in sex for a male with a small penis when trying to please his girl? I have actually been dating this girl for about 4 months, and we are getting more comfortable with sexual stuff, but she is also a virgin, which in a way too me is good because she can't compare my size with other penises she has been with, but my problem here is how deep do you have to go in before your able to break the cherry? Is 4 1/2 inches big enough for this?

A: This size penis is actually quite common - and I would say, therefore, normal, even if below average. But what does below average mean? The range of human penis size is from small to large but they are all normal male penises! So even if 4 and a half inches is below average, you are in the company of millions of other guys this size.

As for positions, stick with the missionary and rear entry, hugging her close in the latter so you don't slip out. Her G-spot lies just inside the upper wall of the vagina, so you can easily reach that with your penis. But it will take her much longer to come via G spot stimulation than by clitoral stimulation. In fact you are going to come long before she does by vaginal thrusting alone, so I suggest you get hold of a copy of the NEWSEXNOW video which is advertised on my site and watch it. It will show you how to stimulate a woman's G spot with your fingers, so she gets some super orgasms even before you put your penis in her, then you don't have to worry about her being unsatisfied. Don't worry if it sounds complicated, the video explains it all. And most of all, don't worry - tell her what's going on for you - you don't have to be a stud! Tell her about your penis up front if it bothers you - that is much better than trying to hide it! If she cares about you, she will not mind how big or small your dick is! Of course it may bother some women, but so what? There are loads of women out there - and they do NOT all want a big penis, believe me.

Also, tell her that you want her to enjoy making love as much as possible, but you're a bit inexperienced, so if you fumble about a bit, you might want her to help you: eg - ask her to guide your penis into her vagina. Also, make sure to ask her to tell you what she would like you to do for her (eg stimulate her clitoris, give her oral sex, or whatever). Make sure you don't get embarrassed - just laugh about it with her!

Being a man during sex between a loving couple does not mean being a super stud - it means being honest, producing an atmosphere where you can enjoy each others' bodies, and letting yourself learn how to make love expertly, slowly and in a relaxed way. Sex is rarely earth-shattering the first few times between new partners anyway - despite what some men may say.

35 Spots on my penis

Q: Hi I'm 21. I have many bumps on my penis: some have hair coming out of them and some do not. The bumps I am concerned about look exactly like the ones with hair coming out, though they are just a little bit bigger and have a black spot in the center. These bumps are not raised they are under the skin like the other ones. What can they be? Also, I tried to pop one and it wouldn't pop, so I popped it with a needle; a white substance came out almost like a pimple. Now I have a brownish black spot where I popped the bump. The bump seems to be gone but there is this spot there now, is it a scab? Or a scar? Can you please help me out here and give me some advice on what it is. It can't be an STD because I am still a virgin. I am too scared to talk to my parents about it and to see a doctor, so please help.

A: OK, well, stop worrying, you haven't done any harm, nor have you got any disease. But treat your skin more gently. If you squeeze, poke or what-have-you, sometimes you do get the brown pigment you describe forming - it's only a freckle-like thing, but it is a sign that you were a bit rough with the skin....so be careful. Ok, now I know you have read about Fordyce spots on the problem page of my site and you are assuming that the spots you have got are different because they have hair coming out of them...but actually, they are just the same thing as Fordyce spots. They are Fordyce spots which form in the hair follicles, particularly on the skin of the scrotum. They can also form on the penis shaft, and some guys do find that hair follicles on the penis shaft are a real nuisance (I mean, you don't really want hair on your dick....and some guys do have a lot of it, even half way up the shaft. There is no easy solution but you can always - VERY CAREFULLY - shave it off). And, yes, given enough prodding, as you discovered, you can get the white sebum which they contain to come out...but, as I mentioned above, this is not a good idea! The problem really is not that you have them - everyone, men and women alike - has them; they are completely normal! The real problem is that you don't like the way they look. Well, I am sorry, but this is something you have to come to terms with. They can, I admit, be unsightly, and some guys whose penis and scrotum is covered with these hairy white bumps get really pissed off about it....but...there is nothing you can do about it! When you get more sexual experience, I know - and you have to trust me on this - no woman will ever comment on them, find them offensive, or reject you because of them. They are part and parcel of being human. In any case, your future sexual partner is likely to be too concerned about the shape /size of her breasts, or the appearance of her labia, to be worried about your penis!

37 Just started dating and I'm getting too many erections!

Q: I have a problem. I just started dating this girl and every time she sits on my lap or lays her head down on my legs or chest or when we get close to each other, I get an erection. I don't want her to feel my penis that hard for not even doing any sexual activities.. How do I keep from getting these unwanted erections?

A: I have some surprising news for you! To get an erection in these situations is a normal male response. Everyone does. That is how it is meant to be! Do you seriously imagine that a girl who fancies and feels attracted to you does not get sexually aroused in the same way? Do you not realize that after an hour or two being affectionate, close and kissing, she has a wet, lubricated vagina and feelings of arousal? The only difference of course is that as yet you haven't realized she is aroused as well!

Let's take this a stage further. She likes you - you like her - at some point you are going to make love. OK, so how does she know how you feel? Well, you could tell her. But she may also be delighted and flattered to feel your erection through your clothing (as your bodies press together while you cuddle, I mean), and to know that you want her. What makes you think that an erection is a bad thing in a girl's mind? Does it not occur to you that being wanted sexually and knowing she turns you on is a powerfully affirming thing for a woman, and makes her feel good? I think you need to read the sexual techniques information.

38 My cock is far too thick!

Q: I am a 23 year old with a serious question I was hoping you might be able to answer for me. My penis is of average length but is very very thick. I never thought about myself as being unusually large...I just thought all my girlfriends were being nice by saying so. I am no John Holmes or anything, but it is rather big. I use Magnum condoms, or at least I did when I used to have sex. My current girlfriend and I haven't had sex yet. She is a virgin. We have tried numerous times, but she always gets scared because I just don't seem to fit. I have had this problem before, but my ex girlfriend wasn't a virgin. We still had our problems, but we worked it in. MY main question is about condoms. The Magnum condoms are long enough but at the base of my penis I have a bruise when I am done. Also if I am wearing the condom my erection seems to disappear! It feels as if the circulation is slowly being cut off and I feel around the base and the veins are bulging around the rim. Are there any brands made specifically for a thicker, wider penis? I need some. I read about the Magnum XL, but haven't been able to find any around here. I would appreciate any advice on the topic.

A: I think you will find that if you work up to intercourse, reassure her by telling her that you don't have to make love till she's ready, etc etc, and perhaps use your fingers and tongue a lot to get her very wet and ready, then finally allow her control over getting you inside her vagina (the woman on top position would be good for that) so she feels in control, everything will be fine. I think some suppliers have Magnum XL if you search online.

39 My penis is far too sensitive

Q: I've been through your site and it's very informative but I can't find an answer to my problem. I think it's pretty unusual. You see the shaft of my penis is EXTREMELY SENSITIVE TO TOUCH. I mean, my foreskin draws back very easily with no problems there, but when the shaft is exposed thereafter it becomes very sensitive to touch, so much so that when I'm having sex and when the foreskin folds back automatically I have to be immediately wary of my glans touching anything. I've never had sex without a condom, and when I've worn a condom somehow it hasn't hurt as much. Is this normal? I don't think so! I've never masturbated by pulling back the foreskin so is that why I now have this problem? I wish I had been circumcised at an early age, then at least I wouldn't have this strange problem now. Is there anything you can do to help me?

Admittedly when the glans is moist it's not that bad, but still sensitive, so much so that I have to be wary of it touching a rough surface...is this normal? Of course when my foreskin covers the glans there isn't any problem: the problem arises the minute my foreskin folds back to leave the glans exposed. I remember a friend once remarking (when we were teens) that, if I wasn't rolling back my foreskin while masturbating then I'd have problems when I had sex. I guess that's what's happening to me now.

A: I know one guy who tells me his penis head is so sensitive that even rubbing on underwear is painful. He wishes he was uncircumcised so he could protect it. I don't think this degree of sensitivity is that unusual, actually. I think it is a big problem for a lot of men. The answer is to keep the penis head moist and lubricated, which is difficult if you have no foreskin. For guys with a foreskin, at least they can protect the glans. I have often been told that if you walk around with your penis head exposed in your underwear (i.e. the foreskin retracted), the rubbing of the material will desensitize it: I think that's true, guys who keep their cock heads exposed seem to lose some sensitivity.

40 Spotty

Q: I am writing to you for some advice as I have what I believe are Fordyce Spots on my penis. I have obviously been very embarrassed and shy to tell anybody about this for a long, long time. I just hoped they'd disappear with age, but they haven't. Basically my scrotum and penis are covered in these spots, and it's not very pretty to look at - I always thought they were sweat glands, and put playing a heck of a lot of football down to it.

I had this problem as far back as I can remember... at least 8-9 years... (I am 18 now). Due to having this, I have always been shy about relationships and the like, although I am generally a confident person. I don't let it rule my life, and I do have a girlfriend. We have been together for well over a year, and although she's not fussed at why we haven't had a sexual relationship, or the fact that I don't let her look at me, it's fairly obvious why. I did fear this may be cancer of some type - but am absolutely way too embarrassed to tell anybody or show anybody (with you being the first). I have tried to get rid of them over the years, with different soaps etc, and constant washing - but they remain. If you could give me any further advice, perhaps a treatment I could get to lessen it slightly, I would be really grateful. I was gutted when I saw that it looked like almost nothing could be done about it.

A: Well, I will tell you one thing....you are not the only guy with this issue! I get hundreds of letters on this subject. But look at this way...you may have a lot of these spots, but at least they are not physically a problem. The problem is that you are depriving yourself of the joy of sex because of what you think your girlfriend might say...but really you don't know what she will say. Suppose she just doesn't care? Suppose lying in your arms being stroked and cared for is a lot more important to her than your spotty penis? Suppose she wants sex badly with you but is too shy to say so? Suppose she wants to make you happy and is frustrated and unhappy that you won't let her give you the pleasure of her body? And look at this question: are you going to remain sexless all your life ? Come on. Trust her. Get into a close cuddling session and tell her how you feel about her, but you are shy and embarrassed about a skin problem on your penis, which is inhibiting you from getting sexual with her, much as you would love to. (She'll like that) Ask her if you can take things one step at a time.

Start by sleeping (I mean, sleeping, not having sex) with her and cuddling but not letting her see you in the light, just enjoy being close. Then work your way to greater openness. I am sure as you do so you will find that it all comes naturally and you get where you want to be - in a sexual relationship with her (which is probably where she wants to be with you). And when you do, I am also pretty certain that you will find these spots (no matter how bad they are) matter a lot less that you think. By the way, most guys' scrotums are covered in them - that is actually normal. You may have more on your penis than other guys, but believe me, having seen some of the pictures guys have sent to me, I doubt it. But trust your girlfriend. If you have some fears around sex itself, then just ask her if she wants to spend the night in the same bed, sleeping and cuddling but not making love just yet. As you get more physically close and intimate your fears about your problems will diminish and fade away.

In essence I think you are doing her a disservice by trying to protect her from something she may well not care about. And in doing that you maybe even disrespect her - she has the right to know everything about you relevant to your relationship and decide what she wants to do on the basis of that, not have you make her decisions for her.

Sex is a wonderful thing. Stop depriving yourself of it any longer. Think how much better you will feel when you are truly united in a loving relationship. Everything I know about men and women from my work tells me she just won't see this problem the way you do.

And here is what he replied:

Thanks for your fast reply. A lot of what you say is true, but I didn't explain things in more detail as well. I actually live with my girlfriend, so obviously we do sleep together in the same bed and have enjoyed a limited sexual relationship (i.e. I have given her oral pleasure on numerous occasions, but have obviously not allowed her to do the same with me) We do enjoy a lot of foreplay. She has given me pleasure by wanking me off. But this has only come through me wearing at least my boxer shorts - she's never actually physically touched my penis or visibly seen it. Sex isn't really what's bothering me, or her (she doesn't mind - and she doesn't believe in sex before marriage anyway, and nor do I mind), but it's the fact that I don't feel comfortable being free (naked, allowing her to touch me etc).

It's the fact that she can walk about naked and I can touch/look at her which is the problem... She has questioned that sometimes... but, I have obviously found it a little hard to tell her why. It is pretty bad, and actually after looking at your website, I realized I had some on the rim of my penis as well (which I had never seen before - so I can imagine a lot of people suddenly see them and freak out, thinking they'd just arrived).

My case is pretty bad in the fact that it is all over my skin, as opposed to patches here and there. I feel more comfortable knowing it's more common that I originally thought, and that there are others like me who share this problem. I don't find it too much of a problem - I accepted a long time ago that it was not going to go away, no matter how hard I tried to clean it, so I've not let it affect me or get me down in that way. I thought it was something to do with puberty at one time, or a sign of dirtiness - I play a lot of football (wanted to go pro for a long period) and I thought that perhaps because I sweated a lot over the years, and more often than not didn't get home for hours on end, meaning I cooled down, stopped sweating etc, and by the time I had a shower the sweat had somehow got blocked up forming these spots.

Once again thanks a lot for your reply. It's nice to finally know what it is and that it's not really a major disease.

41 My cock keeps disappearing

Q: I was wondering if you had an idea as to what is happening, and has for years with my penis just about disappearing. Most of the time my penis hangs between 4 1/2 and 5 inches, erect it is a little over 7. I know this is a little above average. At times, and temperature has nothing to do with it, it pulls back up into my body to the point that the only thing showing is the head. I said temp. has nothing to do with it because if it is temp., my testicles also shrink back. In these instances, it's just the penis. I have tried to pay attention to when it happens and there doesn't seem to be a pattern. It happens frequently when I begin to get the urge to have a bowel movement, and happens many times, but not always after physical activity, such as a game of tennis or racquetball. This is especially disturbing because it's impossible to get it to come back out and it pretty embarrassing to get in the showers. It also happens at times when I am nervous or even beginning to get sexually aroused. You would think that it would be getting larger, but instead it just about disappears.

Is there anything I can do about this? I think it's got something to do with the nerves so probably not, but if you have heard of this and know how to stop it I would sure appreciate you letting me know.

A: This condition is so common that it isn't in any way unusual. I get loads of emails just like this. This condition is called the retractile penis and it is explained on the problem page of this site. It's all to do with the muscles of the pubic region / penis shaft / scrotum contracting. It can happen in the cold but it happens much more when a person is anxious. Don't worry about it...it has no medical significance at all. As for the showers, I suggest you lock yourself in the toilet and masturbate a little (not necessarily to orgasm) before showering, to get your penis back to full size.

41a My penis is retracted all the time

Q: I have a very odd problem, and haven't been to the doc, because it's just odd. It started one day when I was in a laser tag game and I was walking around, next thing I know I feel like my penis has disappeared! So I went into the bathroom and checked it, only to find that my penis is kind of sucked into my abdomen, kind of like a retraction, but in the abdomen. So I have the foreskin wrapped around the penis, and you can barely see the head, and it's in my abdomen. When I relax, the muscles relax, and it goes back to normal. This scared me to death the first time it happened. I figured that when I become nervous it does this. I'm confused, is this normal? I am circumcised.

A: I have had loads of queries from guys who this has happened to. It is so strange. The condition itself (the retractile penis) is very common, and there does not seem to be any way of stopping it happening. The mystery is why it suddenly does it! I wonder if it is something to do with reaching a certain level of testosterone in your body - I just don't know, but fortunately the condition is not a big problem, though it can be uncomfortable and annoying to see your penis shrink like this!

42 My foreskin won't stay forward

Q: I am 18 y/old male and my foreskin naturally retracts without touching it. When my penis is non-erect the foreskin pulls back over the head without me touching it. When I play sport the foreskin is pulled back and it is painful even if I wear jocks. Have you any suggestions?

A: One guy with this problem tried a little gentle stretching to see if he could lengthen it. You can find stretching techniques on any of the foreskin restoration sites. Even though you aren't trying to restore a foreskin, you might be able to make it longer so that it still covers your glans even when it has retracted slightly. Also if this doesn't work you could use a high quality skin moisturizing cream applied three times a day - that would make the rubbing of your glans on the material of your clothing much less painful. Good luck. I know this is a problem, and I am sorry to hear you are having the painful consequences.

Another idea is to try the Manhood - a protective sheath for the sensitive penis: I think it would help you even though it is designed for circumcised men with sensitive glans: https://manhood.mb.ca/ You might have to ask your dad to help you with paying for this, but I hope if you explained the problem to him he could be supportive - he is a guy after all, and he does know about penises - including the fact that you have one! This will not be a surprise to him!

43 My foreskin seems to be getting bigger - or my cock smaller!

Q: I looked through your site as well as others and have never seen anything about my problem. I call it a problem even though it's more just unusual I think. I am 44 years old and was circumcised as an infant. About 2 years ago I began to notice that there seemed to be more skin than before. My circumcision was, from what I have seen in the sites, what would be referred to as loose. Flaccid I am about 5.5 inches long, and erect right at 7. Last summer I knew that it was definite growth, as for the first time, my dick tanned with stripes. I have always been somewhat of a nudist. I am very careful about sun exposure, but do go for the all over tan. Stripes! Due to all of the excess skin bunching up behind my glans. Now, since sometime last fall, the skin does not stay bunched. It rolls over the flare of the corona and covers the head. I am talking the entire head plus about 1/4 to 1/2 inch beyond. It just seems to keep growing all the time. I know that it is at least 1/2" longer now than it was in November. To me this is not normal. I have never heard of it happening, but then again I don't really discuss this type of thing with others. I moved clear across country recently and think that if I talk my new Doctor he will probably think I am crazy. Have you heard of this? Will it stop? Can it be reversed, or will I have to be cut again?

I guess that I have never paid attention to what an uncut penis looks like and due to the fact that the only computer I have belongs to the company I work for I still don't know! Let me ask you this. My penis looks now like one that someone just cut off straight, blunt. I have noticed guys at the gym since this began, who are uncut and it appears as the skin tapers along the outline of the penis head and continues to taper to a point. I now have more foreskin than some of the guys that were never cut! Will the skin that is hanging past the end of my head shrink or taper to look more like it comes to a point? I hate the look of this. What can I do to either reverse it, or at least make it look like a normal uncut one?

A; My guess would be that what you are seeing is your cock retreating into your body more, maybe because you have put on weight, maybe because you have experienced some change in your levels of testosterone with mid life - and midlife does seem to be often the time when these changes in the behaviors of the penis happen. But if you can still get erections and enjoy sex, I would not worry too much. The time to do something is if you see some changes in skin color, texture, or any lumps and bumps or bends.

44 My penis head has twisted round

Q: I am an 18 year old male, in good health. I have been masturbating for about 5-6 years. I masturbate by rubbing my penis against the inside of my left thigh, using my right hand. I have tried other methods, but this one seems to be the most satisfying. Before I started masturbating the head of my penis was at the normal or standard position. After several years of masturbating using the previously described method, I noticed that the head has rotated almost 90 degrees. I know that this does not cause any sexual problems. I would however, like to have the head back to it's normal position. Is there any way to do this. I don't mean surgically, maybe through exercise (spelling?) or through "training?"

A: I am inclined to think that the rotation is not actually due to masturbation, but is a growth related thing. This is not particularly common, but it does happen, and it happens to guys regardless of how they masturbate - I must say though that it is possible the friction has speeded up the process. You can see a picture of this head rotation at Penile shaft and glans photographs I think if you look at your raphe (the line of skin running along the underside of your penis) you may well find it is slightly askew, and doesn't run down the center from base to tip - this would be a sure sign that your penis has twisted through growth, not masturbating. Many guys have the problem, though ninety degrees is one of the more extreme cases - to be honest, I would feel inclined to leave it alone, because I don't know what effect exercises might have. If you really want to check it out, you could consult a urologist - there is an operation which involves removing ("degloving") the skin of the penis and rotating it then reattaching it - this straightens the penis though of course you need a professional opinion to tell you if this might be a solution in your case.

45 I have a curved penis

Q: I'm 21. I'm a virgin. I find it hard to approach women. I think I shy away from it because I have a curved penis. I thought that I had Peyronies, but I looked at the pictures at your website and according to those, I am normal. My penis isn't shaped like a J or anything, but it curves upward a little and when I get aroused it raises up against my stomach. I feel that sex would be embarrassing more than pleasurable because women are used to straight dicks. I'm afraid I'll be humiliated.

A: Well, I think you sound as though your penis is quite normal, which means that your problem is more one of confidence than anything else. I know it can be be very difficult to approach women if you have not been brought up in a way where your sexual confidence has been encouraged. But of course for every guy like you and me, there is a woman in just the same position, and they are just as desperate to meet you as you are to meet them. All you have to do is allow yourself the possibility that when you meet a woman who you feel, deep down, to be a kindred spirit, and who likes you, that you can explore a gradually increasing level of intimacy with them. If you can manage to explain to her how you feel - I am shy, I lack confidence with women, I don't know what to do, but maybe we can have fun finding out (that kind of open communication) - she is going to respect you so much as a sensitive caring man that she will practically regard you as a hero, and be much more receptive to intimacy. Remember that the key to human relationships is respect and communication (and honesty) and you will find the right woman not only comes along, but seems very eager to make love to you.

Provided you can open your heart to her, and accept that you are going to have to learn how to make love (as every man does) then I am certain that you will find sex and love come more easily to you than you could ever have imagined. Have confidence in your masculinity. Enjoy your sexuality, and be prepared to share it with a woman you trust. That way, you will find happiness.

46 My cock has peyronies - the penis shaft is shaped like an hour glass

Q: I am 22 years old and for the past 2 weeks have been suffering from what I believe to be Peyronie's disease. I have been sexually active since I was 17 and when I was 19 I one day discovered that my penis had taken on an hour glass shape on occasion when flaccid. I would say it took that shape about 65%-70% of the time when it was soft, but never when hard. Then, out of nowhere, two weeks ago I felt a strange numbness and noticed that my penis seemed to have shriveled. I can still get an erection, but it is difficult and the penis is much smaller than it usually is when flaccid. The hour glass shape is constant until I get an erection, but when flaccid it is as if my penis almost completely retracts. The shaft itself seems much more narrow than it usually is when flaccid. There is no pain when I urinate, but there is a kind of numbness. I am extremely afraid and do not want to risk anything. All I want is to go back to normal. Please help me! What should I do? What can I do? I am scared and ashamed to go to the doctor but will if I need to.

A: Ok, I am not a doctor, but I can give you my opinion. I do not think this is classic Peyronie's in the sense of a hard plaque forming in the shaft of the penis which then bends the erection. Rather, I think this narrowing is the product of damage to the internal erectile cavities of the penis, which then respond by forming much less flexible scar tissue, which produces exactly the physical characteristics you describe, especially the hour glass shape and the restoration of a normal appearance on erection. There is nothing I can do for you here. You have to see a specialist - a urologist. And try to see one in a major center like a University teaching hospital, where the expertise is better. Whatever you do, don't go to some small town hick doctor. An expert will be able to diagnose exactly what is wrong. I suggest you take some digital or Polaroid photos showing your penis in as many different shapes as possible.

47 My cock is too hard and upright!

Q: I'm writing about a problem which IS listed on your website, but has only a short answer. My penis lays flat against my belly when it is erect. This is fine, but it usually WON'T bend down (it HURTS to try), which limits sexual positions a great deal. Oftentimes, after a long period of intercourse, it bends down, and then more positions are possible, but then the penis is also less hard/long/big, even though I CAN come when it is in this state. I am in a committed relationship, so some of the stress is alleviated, but still there are unpredictable problems. Sometimes my girlfriend lays on her stomach, and I enter her from behind. Then, we try for her to get up on her knees ("doggie style") and I get very nervous, because sometimes I lose my erection in this situation. Because if my penis doesn't want to bend down at a certain time, it either won't, or I'll just lose the erection (like the penis gets softer in order to bend, but then it just goes away) . . . . or I just lose the erection because I'm nervous about all this, etc. . . .any words of wisdom? Have you heard of this before? Can I get my penis to be more flexible and yet retain its hardness? any comments greatly appreciated.

A: Yes, I have heard of this, and take it from me, the men who have such a hard upright penis all say exactly what you say. I am sorry but my answer has to be the same - you have no options here but to adapt to the situation. As the years go by you will find it gets less hard and upright - though that is hardly a comfort!

48 My cock is twisted along its length

Q: I have begun to notice that when flaccid, my penis has a twist along its longitudinal axis. In other words, the bottom of the head faces right when limp. As I obtain an erection, the twist comes out and translates into a slight curve to the left when erect. The curve is consistent along the length of my penis so I do not suspect Peyronies disease. The stupid part is that I can't remember if this has always been a problem or whether it just appears to be worse. I think I have always had the curve, just can't recall how much. There is no pain associated with the erection, masturbation or intercourse but I just don't like weird things going on down there

A; The explanation lies in the development of the penis, where one side of the internal cavities is larger, longer or more stretchy than the other. My guess is that you have always had it but that it has progressed a bit as you have got older. However, I don't think it is any cause for concern, and certainly if your erections are just as good as ever, all I can say is - don't worry about it.

49 Rainbow

Q: My new boyfriend has an unusual penis. It is abnormally long (over 9 inches) pretty thick and several colors. I have come to the conclusion that over the years of his penile growth that the skin changed colors due to stretching and such. Let me give you a description: The head is a light pink color, the base of the shaft is slightly darker than his tan skin and for about 3 inches in between it is very white and has a few blotches of dark brown. haven't drawn any bad conclusions, but yet I am compelled to find out if he has some sort of disease that can be passed on to me. I am afraid to ask him to go to the doctor and have it checked out.

A: The skin around the base of the penis shaft is often darker than other skin, as is the scrotum, especially in men who have a little non-Caucasian blood in them. The light color of the tip is of no significance - the glans of all penises are different - they can be pink, red, purple, bluish - it varies a lot. And the lighter bit in between is almost certainly a circumcision scar, which is always a different color to the rest of the penis.

50 Why is my penis retracted?

Q: Why does my penis shrink? It doesn't hang like normal. It seems to go inside and be a little stub. When it gets hard it grows pretty long. Is this a medical problem?

A: No, it's normal. About 3% of men have this condition.

51 My guy has a small cock and balls

Q: I am dating a man with a small penis and small testicles, they are actually floating testicles and when not in the scrotum, the scrotum seems very small. He states he had a pelvic fracture and was in a body cast during Vietnam, but that would make him in his early teens, he would have been formed already. Is there anything he can do for this? I have not had sex with him yet, and I am fearful he will get lost in my vagina. He is probably about 4 or so inches long and about an inch if that in width. I have always been attracted by larger penises, I am not sure that this will be a good thing? Otherwise, he is a wonderful man, very attractive with a nice body and mind. It's just his penis I don't like, it's too small.

A: Well, my response is that you are not in love with him, because if you were, these things would not matter. So maybe that's the issue for you - do you want love or sex? Or maybe you just need to relax into this, accept that not all human beings are created equal, consider if he would be a good father and husband, would meet your emotional needs and offer you support. And how about taking him to bed and seeing if he is a caring lover who can make up for his penis with his hands, tongue and lips? Life is what you make it, so stop being so soft and decide what you want, and, having decided, stick with it.

52 I damaged my penis and it won't stay hard

Q: I think I have a little bit of a problem, though it may sound strange. It all started a couple of months ago when I was sitting home watching a porno movie when it happened. I was masturbating, and I accidentally knocked my forearm on the tip of my penis when it was erect, and I think I may have damaged the tissue. Since this happened, whenever I contract my penis muscles, the head does not enlarge. Not only this, but my erections have been less hard. I saw a website with a guy complaining about a similar problem, saying that his penis seemed to have been "broken after banging it hard during sex." I think I may be faced with the same situation.

Moreover, it feels as though the penis is not attached to my body. Since the incident, it seems like just a limp hollow tube with little or no capacity for a satisfying, full on erection. Though I can still ejaculate, my penis is less sensitive to touch and it's difficult to make it stiff. This has given me a bit of a complex, making me feel semi-masculine. I hope the problem is fixable because it's been bothering me for a couple of months now.....

A: I have heard of this kind of thing many times. First, I am sure if you had broken your penis you would have felt great pain and heard a crack so loud that you would know it.

This seems to be a kind of injury people experience from time to time which leads to the symptoms you describe. I think it does heal, but it takes a long time. I think that part of the problem is damage to the ligament attaching the penis to the body, which fits with what you describe. I am not sure why the erection becomes less firm, but the men I have talked to with this problem, all say the same things as you have described. I think you should go and see a urologist, who will be best able to advise you what to do next to help the healing process.

53 Just how long do sperm live?

Q: I recently gave my boyfriend oral sex. Before he came, I pulled off his penis and we jacked his penis off together. He came and a little bit of his cum got on my hand. I wiped my hand on the bed. Then, not thinking about the fact that he had just cum, I touched my clit and vagina. I never inserted a finger into my vagina, but I touched the area around it. About ten minutes later, I went to the bathroom and wiped myself down there, making sure my vagina was completely dry when I was done. Can I get pregnant if there was a little bit of cum on my hand, and if I can, what is the likelihood of this happening?

A: The answer is very low. But all things are possible.

54 How do I know if I am gay at 21?

Q: I am a 21yr old from Australia and what I want to know is am I gay?? I have deep feelings inside me that say I am not gay and I am about 80% sure I am straight. But I get aroused when I look at naked men or porn and seeing two men together just gives me this feeling . What is it like? I ask myself. I love looking at pictures and stuff to get hard but I know I am not gay because I also get hard by seeing naked women and/or lesbians.

A: You are probably not gay. So why are you excited by pictures of men? Well, I know it's a common thing people say, but it is true - you are at an age when your hormones are running wild, and you're sexier than you'll ever be again, while your sexual urges have not settled down and stabilized. Look at it this way - men have cocks, and cocks are sexy - a fact which you will know to be true if you have ever become excited looking at your own penis and testicles, or even just your own body. Therefore, without much sexual experience with other people to help you learn what excites you, at this stage of your life you are responding sexually with arousal to anything that has a sexual connotation....including men having sex.

One example of this is the way some teenage boys have sessions of sex play with each other (mutual masturbation, mostly) which they find very arousing and sexy, but which does not mean they are gay - nor do they think of themselves as gay because of it.

By the time you are in your late teens, I am sure you will find that your sexual desires have settled down and you are more certain of your sexuality.

56 Hypospadias & foreskin restoration

57 I damaged my cock and now it won't stay erect

58 Cock size - what guys with a small penis think about themselves

Read more here All about penis size