Male Orgasm & Ejaculation

Orgasm

The next phase of sexual arousal is orgasm, which is usually accompanied by ejaculation for a man. Is there a difference between orgasm and ejaculation?

Even though we always think of them as more or less the same thing, in fact a man can experience an orgasm without any ejaculation. For the moment, though, let's assume they are the same thing.

Ejaculation cannot be stopped once it has started, for it is an involuntary process of muscular contraction and release of tension. But a man can control how soon he ejaculates during sex in a variety of ways.

He can increase the pressure on his penis by making deeper or harder thrusts during intercourse, or by more vigorous hand movements during masturbation, or by having his partner massage his prostate through the perineum or through the internal wall of the rectum via a finger inserted through the anus.

Another way is to contract the internal muscles which run through from his pelvic bone to his penis, a movement which will both speed up ejaculation and make it more intense. Learning to contract and therefore strengthen these muscles will result in much more intense orgasms and a much more powerful ejaculation.

Once the level of stimulation has reached such a point that the final phase of sexual arousal begins, your body prepares itself for orgasm in all kinds of ways.

Your blood pressure goes up, your heart rate rises, your breathing becomes deeper and heavier, and there are involuntary contractions of muscles throughout your body, producing a desire to thrust deeper into your partner, thereby increasing the likelihood that your semen will be deposited successfully inside her.

Immediately prior to ejaculation itself, seminal fluid builds up in the prostate gland. This produces that familiar sense of impending ejaculation - that moment where you just know you are going to ejaculate and nothing will stop it.

Then, at the moment of ejaculation, your testicles are drawn up close to your body, the urinary tract to your bladder closes so that your semen will spurt out of your penis rather than being passed back into your bladder, and the muscular contractions of your ejaculation take place.

These contractions involve the muscles at the base of the penis, the muscles of the penis shaft, the muscles around the anal sphincter, the pubococcygeus muscle, and the muscles of the rectum. They contract about eight times, maybe slightly more or less, at 0.8 second intervals, and as they do so the seminal fluid containing sperm is expelled.

These contractions may lead to semen shooting out or just dribbling from the tip of your penis, depending on the condition of the muscles, how long it is since you last ejaculated, and the volume of fluid which has accumulated during the earlier phases of your sexual arousal.

Orgasm is the sensation that accompanies the ejaculatory contractions. It can be an energy flow, a sense of muscular contraction, an overall feeling of well-being. But not all orgasm are earth-shattering events! There are many reasons why they aren't all as good as each other, of course.

Simple things like tiredness, fatigue, relaxation and stress will all have an impact on the intensity of your orgasm. Obviously, how aroused or sexually excited you are feeling will also have an impact on the intensity of your orgasm and ejaculation.

Many men (and women) find that their facial muscles contract uncontrollably or they make loud involuntary noises as they reach orgasm. If you happen to be having difficulty reaching orgasm and ejaculating during sex, you may be experiencing retarded ejaculation and need treatment. Of course, this is much less common than premature ejaculation.

What is semen? A few facts about ejaculation

Semen is a mixture of sperm, secretions from the seminal vesicles, and fluid from the prostate. The prostate secretions include prostaglandin, sugar, water and minerals including zinc and calcium to keep the sperm moving as they swim towards the egg.

Often the components of semen are not well-mixed, and there may be jelly-like threads among the liquid secretions of the prostate; after a while semen liquefies and becomes much more uniform in texture.

(By the way, if you don't already know, it is an intense irritant to the eyes, and produces the most unspeakable burning sensation if it gets near them. We discovered this perhaps well-known but unspoken fact as teenagers when one of my friends was in the back of his car with his girlfriend, while she masturbated him.

Such is the vigor of youth, he ejaculated into his own eye and then spent an agonized few minutes while she washed the semen off his face. I'm rather sorry to say we all thought this very funny when he told us afterwards.)

Men may produce much or little semen: the average volume between 2 and 5 ml, the latter figure being about a level teaspoonful. Many men seem very concerned that they are producing too little fluid, when they are in fact producing the average amount. As I mentioned above, if you want to produce more, all you have to do is to extend the early phases of sexual excitement for a longer time.

Most teenage boys will masturbate to orgasm with great regularity, perhaps twice a day. Others masturbate much more rarely. I think the thing to grasp is that whatever you are comfortable with is right for you.

On average at age 40 a man will ejaculate about two or three times a week. By age 60 he will probably be experiencing this pleasure about 35 times a year.

Wet dreams

When I was writing this I received an e-mail from a young woman who seemed distressed because her equally young husband (twenty years old) had ejaculated in bed while asleep and had refused to talk to her about it. Could I, she asked, explain what had happened?

She was wondering if this meant that he had been dreaming about someone other than her. Well, as you know, wet dreams or nocturnal emissions are common in the teen years, but they can occur at all stages of a man's life. But what's a wet dream for?

It releases semen, sure, but most teenagers masturbate, so it's hardly likely to be an overflow mechanism. In fact, wet dreams seem to be closely related to testosterone levels, which are at their highest in young men, and decline steadily from the age of 21 onwards.

And the young woman above was probably right to imagine that her man had been dreaming of someone else. The most peculiar images can come to mind in a wet dream, and can even induce a lot of guilt.

Dreams about sex with close relatives are not uncommon: sons, for example, may dream of sex with their mothers or fathers, and feel very guilty about it. Many men report dreaming about sex with their mothers at some time in their lives. Don't worry about this, just accept it as part of the mystery of being human. Fantasy is just that. It doesn't have to be acted on, and it can be kept private.

Night-time erections are a normal part of all men's lives, unless they're impotent, of course. Most erections during sleep occur in the early hours of the morning when the testosterone levels in our blood is highest.

Multiple orgasms and ejaculation in men

Can a man orgasm several times on the trot with or without ejaculating? What about Tantric sex, of which we hear so much nowadays, where a man can prolong his pleasure indefinitely?

Well, there is no doubt that multiple orgasms are possible for a woman. A woman's sexual arousal declines much more slowly than a man's, even after orgasm. She maintains a level of arousal from which it is possible to reach another orgasm several times in rapid succession.

But the interesting thing is that men can do this as well, provided they don't ejaculate. If you do ejaculate, you can't get an erection again for a few minutes - or even longer - and this stops you having another orgasm. If you don't ejaculate, you can learn to have as many orgasms as you want.

With some simple and extremely effective ejaculation control techniques, you'll soon develop what we call "ejaculation mastery" - complete control over the timing of your ejaculation. With the ability to choose when you ejaculate during sex, you can not only impress your partner but also give her complete sexual satisfaction.

Tantric sex and multiple orgasms

There are several ways to have an orgasm without an ejaculation.

The first is to forcefully contract the muscles around your prostate, which stops your ejaculation. If timed wrongly, this will lead to semen being forced up into the bladder. There isn't anything harmful about this, but this is not something that enhances pleasure. If timed correctly, this technique can allow the man to hover on the brink of orgasm for a long time before he finally comes, and is said to produce intense orgasms.

The next technique is to carry on thrusting in your partner after you have ejaculated. I have tried this, and while my glans is initially a bit sensitive after I have ejaculated, if I keep thrusting, my orgasm continues for several minutes.

Tantric Sex is about enhancing sexual energy flow through the body. Such energy flow activates the orgasmic responses of the body quite independently of the ejaculatory reflex. Tantra depends on high arousal and extended foreplay.

Ejaculation facts

The data for how far men shoot during masturbation (figures taken from Jackin'World site) are:

Ways to approach the highest pleasure - with or without multiple orgasm

There are many things you can do to enhance pleasure even if you are not interested in multiple orgasms.

1 Tone up your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle - perhaps more than anything else, this is the key to powerful, pleasurable, forceful orgasms and ejaculation. Men who have always just dribbled at the moment of orgasm find that after they have toned up this muscle they shoot semen out with great force.

You can tone up your PC muscle by learning to contract the muscle by stopping the flow of your urine in mid-stream: this will show you what it feels like when you contract the muscle. Then, you can contract it anywhere, anyplace, anytime - sitting at your desk, driving your car, wherever.

After a while you will find that you can hold the contractions for longer, do more of them, and that they become more powerful. This is a great technique for improving the quality of your orgasms. And stronger PC muscles may allow you to retain an erection after you have ejaculated, and to continue thrusting. This may lead to multiple or extended orgasms.

From the book Sex, a Man's Guide by Stefan Bechtel. The PC, or pubococcygeal muscle, is shown above.

2 Celebrate sex

By which I mean introduce a little ritual into your sexual time. Honor your love-making with soft lights, sweet music, candles, massage, flowers, perfume - that kind of thing. Concentrate on what you're doing - i.e. pay attention to sex and devote your time to it, not to the television or household distractions. Communicate with your partner through poetry, readings or verse, or something that you have written especially for her. Or him. These techniques are about the human soul, and whatever gender the two people having sex actually are, they both have a soul that is crying out for communication and contact with the soul of another human being.

3 Synchronize your breathing and touch each other lovingly

Synchronized breathing helps to establish the connection that I mentioned above. It works well when the two partners are close together physically, perhaps massaging and touching. There is a whole body of thought devoted to the idea that close and intimate sexual contact can be healing to the spirit and overcome problems of emotional disturbance, anxiety, and depression. You can establish great intimacy by letting your breathing come into the same rhythm as that of your partner's, and by focusing on her body as you do so.

4 Enter her vagina and then lie still

A true Tantric technique. This can be very spiritual when it is combined with the visualization of energy flow between partners.

5 Establish and maintain eye contact with your partner for long periods during love-making.

However awkward this may seem at first, it really does help to establish a bond between lovers.

Premature ejaculation

No man wants to come quickly all the time. And you particularly don't want to come just when you enter her - or, worse, before you have got anywhere near her vagina. by the way, wearing two condoms doesn't help, and neither does thinking of things like mental arithmetic or what you need to do next day in the office.

The truth is that male animals are designed to come quickly. In ancient times, quick fucking was safe fucking - especially if you were having a quick, sneaky fuck in the dominant male's harem before he noticed. But such basic biological urges aren't helpful in our culture where we wish to prolong lovemaking. So what can you do about premature ejaculation?

The classic method of overcoming premature ejaculation is to learn to last longer before you ejaculate through self-training. Masturbate nearly to orgasm, then let your excitement decrease. Try to masturbate for, say, fifteen minutes without orgasm and without giving in to the urge to ejaculate. Then gradually extend the period before you ejaculate. This will give you greater awareness of the feelings you get in your body in the period of sexual arousal leading up to orgasm and ejaculation. With patience, you can gradually stop premature ejaculation and transfer the greater ejaculatory control you develop to intercourse.

Staying hard - with or without Viagra

Viagra is probably quite well-known by now as an effective way to get better erections. If you are starting with this drug, your doctor will probably prescribe a low test dose of perhaps 25mg. The idea is to start with a low dosage and work up when you have discovered what dosage suits you. Viagra, I should mention, is not a drug that will increase your sex drive, your libido. It simply gives you an erection when you want to have sex. For men with a libido problem, a combination of Viagra and testosterone therapy can be useful. You can read more about this by searching for the word "andropause" on the internet.

Viagra has been shown to be highly effective in preventing erectile dysfunction (impotence) - and an acceptable dose can be found for about 80% of the men who take it. For other men, the penile arteries are so clogged with fat that they simply cannot supply enough blood to produce an erection. For men with less serious erection problems, addressing the emotional and psychological issues which prevent you getting an erection may be enough to overcome your erectile difficulties and help you to become fully potent again.

More on all of this....

Jackin'World Great on masturbation, male sexuality for teenagers, including lots of information on male sexual development and the ages at which different stages of male development are reached.